It's just a mask.... covering the hollowest of all hollow shells. And I'm coming out of the closet.
I'm not the strong woman I have longed to be. Growing up thinking I would be a tenacious, unyielding, independent individual. But I take my mask off for you..... to show you what I really am.
Weak and in need of a constant
AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!
I'm just a little girl cowering in a dark corner from everything and everyone. Clutching to the darkness as if it were a big comforting blanket. Yet, one hand still reaching out for that someone to pull me away..... pull me from my comfort zone.
But such a person does not exist. Only I can throw myself into reality..... the real world.
You're probably wondering what triggered this odd entry. It all started last night. Arrived at a party for about 10 minutes..... and...... and left. I was scared with anxiety. No reason to be scared. I was with safe people..... but my mind was telling me differently. I felt physically ill. Felt like all eyes were watching me..... boring holes through my body.
So, I flaked. I left. I ran to cower in my corner.
Call it a phase. Call it anxiety. Call it depression. I don't know what to call it. But I do know that I have sunk...... down........ into................ the deep.
You never knew, did you? I'm a good actress.