It's just a mask.... covering the hollowest of all hollow shells.  And I'm coming out of the closet.

I'm not the strong woman I have longed to be.  Growing up thinking I would be a tenacious, unyielding, independent individual.  But I take my mask off for you..... to show you what I really am.

Weak and in need of a constant

AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!

I'm just a little girl cowering in a dark corner from everything and everyone.  Clutching to the darkness as if it were a big comforting blanket.  Yet, one hand still reaching out for that someone to pull me away..... pull me from my comfort zone.

But such a person does not exist.  Only I can throw myself into reality..... the real world.

You're probably wondering what triggered this odd entry.  It all started last night.  Arrived at a party for about 10 minutes..... and...... and left.  I was scared with anxiety.  No reason to be scared.  I was with safe people..... but my mind was telling me differently.  I felt physically ill.  Felt like all eyes were watching me..... boring holes through my body.

So, I flaked.  I left.  I ran to cower in my corner.

Call it a phase.  Call it anxiety.  Call it depression.  I don't know what to call it.  But I do know that I have sunk...... down........ into................ the deep.

You never knew, did you?  I'm a good actress.

You are not a weak person! Stop telling yourself that. There is nothing wrong with leaving a party because you don't want to be there for whatever reason. I can understand the anxiety, but there is nothing wrong with it. I didn't want to be there either. And this constant thing you don't like. Do you think that it makes you weaker to rely on people? I rely on a lot of people. I am not the strongest of people, but I am not weak. Having a constant in one's life is almost a necessity. Without constants we would not have anything...love, trust, friendship, etc... Just don't be so hard on yourself about stuff like that. You are a strong woman and that is something that I respect you for. I love you bunches.

We all have our weak moments, but I see a strong, capable, young woman. You may think you've been wearing your mask, in reality that WAS your "true" self. And I think I know the very heart of you. So, when you slip, you're not weak, just human.

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